Audience essay feedback and learner response

WWW: This is an impressive essay – well done! Over 700 words and you show an excellent grasp of the audience and industry debates we discussed in class. You cover the three industries in some detail and have clearly used your notes and the guidance provided. You’ve been very consistent from the very beginning of the year with your homework and this is a very positive way to end your first term in GCSE Media!
                             
EBI: Your biggest area to improve on in this essay is written English. If you copy and paste your essay into Microsoft Word and count the number of red and blue lines under words you’ll see that it is a fair way off GCSE standard. I appreciate writing on the blog isn’t as convenient as writing on Microsoft Word but you are missing quite a few capital letters, apostrophes and similar across the essay as a whole. It may be useful to write your Media work in Microsoft Word in future, proofread it carefully and then copy it over to the blog when it is ready to publish.

Another aspect to improve is your topic sentences. The topic sentence is the first sentence in the paragraph and needs to be simple and clearly link to the question (use the key words – audience, power, internet). Then, develop that idea using examples and detailed points – making sure you stay focused on the question and do not drift off. If you look at this example from your essay:

“Another reason I agree with the statement is because of the Film + TV Industry.”

… It doesn’t really tell the reader anything. Try instead:

“Another industry that has seen a huge change in the relationship between audiences and producers is the film and TV industry.”

Finally, using examples of actual media products or artists will really help your future essays (e.g. music artists, particular films or TV programmes, actual news stories that featured live streaming etc.)

LR: See tasks on blog.


WORD COUNT: 684 words

Strongest Paragraph and why?

My strongest paragraph, in my opinion, is the Film + Industry paragraph .This is because this paragraph is the most depth and has the least written English errors.

Weakest Paragraph and why?

My weakest paragraph is probably the music industry. This is because I didn't include any examples media products or media artists and I made major written English errors.

REWRITE

Another industry that has seen a huge change in the relationship between audiences and producers is the film and TV industry. Many changes have occurred during the past few years , such as before people would have had to use disc's to watch films or wait a whole week to watch a TV show on the television, but now you can extremely easily view it on mobile devices.This is very effective as people can now also download movies and watch it whenever they desire , also to add on to that , they can ( on demand) binge watch any anime or TV show . Some positives to the film  + TV industry is that there is a lot more content. Millions of people upload stuff allowing audiences to have a whole variety of different things to watch.The Film Industry has also brought in jobs such as actors , many people have done acting as a life time job making them millionairs such as famous actors liek Dwane Johnson and Zac Efron. Another benefit is that audience's can watch content all around the world. Before viewers were restricted to only being able to watch content from their country but now they can view content from different people in different place in the world.The prices have also decreased making all content either cheaper or free. Although the audience can watch films through the internet , it effects film studios because it is difficult to make money. This is negative for children and also adults because by binge watching they are getting distracted of everything around them making them focus on one specific thing. Especially for younger adults, it can get in the way of studies and school.Also , nowadays a lot of content is old or repeats and there are lots of sequels or similar films which aren't original or creative .

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